I have worked with a number of clients whose hearts are closed off to love because they have been betrayed. They want to create soul love, and find their Happily Ever After, but they fear getting hurt again. They have lost trust in others and often no longer trust their own judgment for choosing someone who betrayed them in the first place.
Betrayal can come in different forms in a relationship. You may have been cheated on, lied to, or talked about behind your back. There are many synonyms for betrayal such as disloyalty, faithlessness, deception, duplicity and just plain being “stabbed in the back”!
In What Ways do You Betray Yourself?
I had my share of betrayals in my past relationships. I recall a very painful time when a friend of mine slept with my ex-common-law husband just a few weeks after we broke up. I recall one of my partners lying to me about his addiction over and over again. And, another, who would betray my trust by throwing my vulnerabilities in my face. I understand how hard it can be to open your heart to love when it has been crushed. And, I also know how worthwhile it can be too, having found the love of my life 11 years ago.
It took me a while to get that the way I was treating myself set the example for how others were treating me. When I work with clients who are stuck on repeat about being betrayed, I often ask them in what ways have they betrayed themselves?
In what ways have they betrayed their freedom, growth and joy. Now, I may substitute the word “betrayal” with “disloyal” or “unfaithful”? Or, may even ask, “In what ways have you been deceiving yourself?”
We Do Not Get Betrayed and Do Not Betray Ourselves?
Recently, I listened to Law of Attraction pioneer, Ester Hicks speaking on this very issue. I was struck by the idea that using the word betrayal is an emotionally loaded word that carries a lot of momentum that works against us. I considered the idea proposed that we do not get betrayed and we do not betray ourselves.
We do not get betrayed because others are just honouring our consistent habits of thoughts and beliefs that evoke painful or uncomfortable emotions. These consistent habits of thought and feeling are energies that are projected out to the Universe.
The Universal Law of Attraction states what we focus on we create. The Universal Law of Reflection which supports and interacts with the Law of Attraction tells us that everyone in our lives is a reflection of ourselves. So, when others betray us, they are just honouring our vibrational pattern, whatever you are offering energetically.
If you have been betrayed in the past and you expect betrayal, whether consciously or unconsciously that is what the Universe will deliver.
If you can see the betrayal as an advantage that:
- Provides you with contrast or experiences you do not like, want or prefer to happen which brings you to more clarity;
- Helps you realize who you want to be, who you want to be with, and who you are currently being;
- Causes you to evolve; and
- Allows for your higher self to expand,
you might find a new appreciation for it. If you can see the betrayal in this way, then you are more closely connected to your higher, more evolved self and your desired future.
Forgiving Ourselves for Being Betrayed
Sometimes we hold more resentment towards ourselves for being betrayed than the other person who betrayed us. We can forgive ourselves for sending out this damaging energy that attracted the betrayal, if we can let go of the word betrayal and instead think:
I am in the process of figuring out this thing called life. I am in the process of cleaning up my habits of thinking, believing, and feeling so I attract trustworthy people into my life. I practiced ways of thinking and feeling that caused a vibration that did not serve me. I did not realize it was not serving me until the negative energy got really big, but now I know and now I can choose a different vibration.”
Be willing to open your heart to love again. By cleaning up your vibration, you will attract people into your life whom you can trust and you will have more trust in yourself in making wise decisions. This relationship as painful and as uncomfortable as it is or was, has caused you to grow, get more clarity, and is already leading you to attract the partner and type of relationship you do want.